. By Kathryn M.
Peters
Dear Friends of In Light Times, I can count on one hand the times that I have found myself in the presence of purity. Meeting Cassandra Christensen was one of those times. At first embrace, the gentleness of her energy was overpowering. Looking into her eyes, the sweetness of her being warmed my heart. Cassandra is the founder of Project Nightlight, and in my opinion, she is Flo Nightingale come again. As a registered nurse, and a deathing midwife, Cassandra conducts trainings in 'the art of positive dying' to interested groups and individuals across the country. She believes and teaches that the nobility of life must humbly embrace the honoring of death. Fear and trembling at the bedside needs to be replaced by the exchange of light-hearted memories and songs of life. Project Nightlight was divinely established in order to enlighten our generation on how to do just that. Cassandra Christensen is a woman who's love and caring is making a difference in life and death. kp: Cassandra, as the founder and executive director of Project Nightlight, please tell me exactly what the project is and what the goals of the organization are. cc: Kathryn, first of all, let me thank you for this loving invitation to share with your publication and readership the vision of Project Nightlight. In a nutshell, our concern is that people don't die alone. As a registered nurse myself, I know firsthand that nurses are extremely busy. Often it is impossible for them to sit at the bedside of someone in transition through the night. And family members need relief so they too can sleep at night. Hospice does an incredible service in the community and yet in Los Angeles, San Diego and San Jose where Nightlight is well established, we are called upon to provide volunteers to supplement the service of hospice. Hospice does a fabulous job, and it is our hope to work in collaboration with them across the nation. kp: So you actually go into the in-patient units or into the homes where hospice care is being given? cc: Our main concern is that people not die alone at home. It's also about being there for those in the hospital. In Los Angeles, five major hospices have incorporated our service into their service, either in the home or in the actual hospice facility. We also volunteer in the home when there is no hospice involved or people have waited too late to call hospice. Hospital discharge planners, case managers and social workers also call upon us as well as family members. kp: How did the vision of Project Nightlight come to you? What was the impetus? cc: As a registered nurse I have worked in large medical facilities. I saw quite clearly that if people were considered healable they were well taken care of. However, when there wasn't any hope, doctors and nurses felt helpless, and the families were often told that there was nothing left to do, and to just go home. So, it became obvious to me that those in transition, and their families, needed skilled and caring guidance through the deathing process much in the same way we help guide mothers, fathers and their babies through the process of birth. I knew I had to do something about this, yet I wasn't sure what to do or how to do it. Well, in addition to being a nurse, at that time in my life, I was also a chaperone for The Dating Game, a television show. One summer, I was chaperoning a couple by the name of Theresa and Kevin to Bermuda. On our way back, we were transferring to our plane for Los Angeles at the Miami airport. We were running very, very late and the entire airport was thronged with people. As I was attempting to thread my way through the immense crowd of people, I looked over my shoulder and realized to my horror that the couple I was chaperoning was not behind me. I then went running back through the throngs yelling, "Theresa! Kevin! Theresa! Theresa!", and as the crowd parted ever so slightly, who should come walking right up to me, but Mother Theresa, and a whole bevy of sisters! In total shock, I ran up to this little woman in a white outfit with little blue pinstripes. Without even realizing it, I grabbed her hand and started pumping it like a groupie. Although a part of me quipped, "Oh, I can't believe I'm doing this," I still heard myself say to her, "Mother Theresa, I'm Cassandra. I do the same work as you." Then I said to myself, "No way, Cassandra, you do not pick people off the streets of Calcutta!" Well, to make a long story short, I found Theresa and Kevin, put them on the plane, and went back to talk with Mother Theresa for about 20 minutes. The first thing she asked me was, "Now tell me what you do," and I said, "I'm a midwife. I help people through death" and she then asked, "Do you work with AIDS?" I replied, "No, not really well, not at all actually." At that point, Kathryn, she took her tiny, little finger and she shook it at me. Looking right into my eyes, she said, as a divine directive, "you work with AIDS." Well, soon after I returned to Los Angeles I learned that Marianne Williamson was starting a center where her main concern was that people have help through their death. She had a friend dying of cancer who said to her, "Marianne, everyone is helping me to live, if I don't make it, who is going to help me to die?" Out of that original effort we have come to create, through Project Nightlight, a system for partnering with a dying person. Most importantly, Kathryn, it is our hope to 'be there' and to help the dying see that their life made a real difference. kp: So Cassandra, after that chat with Mother Theresa, do you work mostly with AIDS? cc: In Los Angeles 90% of our help is being given to those who are living with and dying of AIDS. But across the United States we are there to assist anyone, who is facing imminent death, to deal with the deathing process. kp: How exactly does Project Nightlight help a dying person deal with the deathing process? cc: Elizabeth Kubler-Ross says, "the greatest gift you could possibly give is just to be there." For Project Nightlight, that's the most important gift we have to offer. In Los Angeles, we have up to 30 people who are available to take shifts around the clock so that no one in need of our services is ever left alone. The second step in the process is to support the family in their being there. We encourage family members to come to the bedside, put the bed railing down, and hold their loved one's hand, smooth their hair, or even get into bed with them. A mother might need to know that it's okay to hold her dying son in her arms so it's about providing guidance and permission for the family to be fully present. Along this line, there is a very poignant story I'd like to share. A young man by the name of Alan was dying, not long ago, and his mother did the most incredible thing. On his final day, she got into bed to hold him as he passed over. Leaning back against the headboard, supported by plenty of pillows, Alan's mother enfolded him with her arms and legs while she laid him back against her chest. Alan was much too ill to respond, yet his mother rocked his body, hummed to him and told him how much he was loved for the four or five hours before he died. All the family and friends sat around the room, taking turns holding his hand and offering support as his mother lovingly rocked him through his transition. It was the most breathtaking experience, Kathryn. So you can see through this example that in guiding people through the process of death, Project Nightlight is dedicated to being there to comfort and caregive, as we simultaneously support the profound need for the touching , intimacy and sweetness most essential in honoring the nobility of life, especially in the final stages. kp: Cassandra, as a mother myself, that story touches me deeply. I am in tears at the thought of a mother being able to create a womb of love to protect her child as he leaves this world a womb so similar to the one that offered loving protection as it brought him into this world. Please tell me how people can find out about the availability of Project Nightlight in their area? cc: Kathryn, there are many ways that we try to get the word out, but our most popular and ardent advocate is Dannion Brinkley. He is well known for not wanting anyone to die alone. As Dannion travels from city to city speaking on the near-death experience and the importance of hospice work, he has enlisted up to 200 volunteers for hospice and Project Nightlight, at a single lecture. For each city that Dannion visits, we create a list of all hospices within a 200 mile radius and we give that list, along with the name of the volunteer coordinator, to those people who have signed up. In that way, if a local hospice or a women's or AIDS organization wants us to, we come back with a training. Our trainings are a kind of consciousness raising, acting to deepen our sensitivity toward, and our understanding of what to do during the deathing process. I see the Project Nightlight volunteers as midwives. They act as comfort and support to the dying. Sadly enough, the great majority of them are so very afraid. So, it is extremely important to convey to them that they are dear and safe and that they are constantly surrounded by love. kp: What do you teach them to do at the moment of death? cc: At the moment of death, we teach our volunteers to hold the space for the wonder! We encourage family members to speak of happy times, and ways in which their lives were enriched by the loved one about to make transition. Although they may be in a coma, or wavering in and out of consciousness, they still know what is being said and they are being influenced by it. It is ever so important to keep the energy around them loving and upbeat. kp:: That's perfect. So in holding a space for the wonder we honor that space their life filled. By speaking of happy days and glorious memories, the person in transition feels the love. They know as they leave this world someone is proud of them, someone understands how wonderful they are, that their life had value and truly made a difference. cc: That's exactly right, Kathryn. Let me tell you that some of the people we have been called in to be with at death have actually gotten better after receiving a little tender loving care and some assistance in reviewing the value of their life. That is truly the wonder of the work we do. By caring and helping the dying to go through a life review, sometimes we facilitate a letting go into death , but sometimes it is a letting go into healing. kp: Cassandra, it sounds to me as though some sweet souls are simply 'dying for love', and once they receive that love through Nightlight's compassionate care, they get better. cc: That's so true. I have never heard it put that way, Kathryn, but you are so right they were dying for love. And you know, it's not always something that one does, sometimes it's an attitude of how to 'be there'. Sometimes, it's about being really close, and talking secrets or singing favorite songs. Singing can often break the energy of heaviness and lift the fear of death as we bring music to life at the bedside. kp: I understand that. There is a lot of research being done today in the area of sound and music. We are rediscovering how very healing it is and how it enables the body to realign itself with perfect health. Yet more significant than that, I hear you saying that Nightlight facilitates the use of the deathbed as an opportunity to heal life. As a culture, I believe that the issue of death is one that we need to reexamine and restore to it's fundamental place of glory in the circle of life. cc: Yes, I do agree, and at Project Nightlight our work is about healing death. Better yet, it's about redefining healing in the face of death so life and relationships can be made whole. By learning to fully embrace death, we can heal it. To embrace death is to simply allow it, while maintaining our focus on life. Some people don't call hospice until it's too late because they don't want to admit that someone they love is dying. And we can understand that, but somehow, early on, we need to just talk about it. About what's going to happen, and about our deepest worries and fears as well as our feelings of helplessness. Often people are startled by their own feelings of anger toward the situation. They need to understand that this is a natural part of the process. Talking about these things openly and honestly is often what is most needed. kp: Do you talk with the dying about what you feel is going to happen to them after death? cc: Oh, no kp: Okay, so you allow them to talk to you about what they think is going to happen. cc: We allow them to take the lead completely. They're the guide. It is totally about honoring them and what they want to talk about. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross doesn't even bring up the word death. She comes to the bedside and says, "Do you want to talk about it?" And then they can decide what it is. kp: Oh, I love that, because one cannot presume to know what it might be at any given moment. cc: It constantly changes. One person wants to talk about death and five minutes later, they don't ever want it brought up again! Like children, they ask a question, yet they only want a little bit. They don't want a whole bundle of information. kp: Cassandra, you are so very knowledgeable and training is obviously a vital part of working with the dying. Does someone have to have hospice training before they are eligible for Project Nightlight training? cc: Oh, no. Anyone can come to the training. It's wonderful for everyone, I think. We get such incredible feedback. But let me say that if someone is going to do hospice work, they will of course want to prepare themselves through hospice. kp: Project Nightlight is active in how many cities, currently? cc: About eight San Diego was our very first and they have a manual on how to start a Nightlight program, for anyone interested. Here in Las Vegas, 30 people have gone through our training and are exploring the next step. Some of them have chosen to go to local hospices to do this much needed work. kp: Through all the work that you've done with the dying what one thing do you see that the living need to incorporate more of into their day to day lives? cc: I'm not sure this answers that question, but the issue of 'being there' cannot be over-emphasized. To come to the bedside and somehow see who is really in there. Don't be put off by the appearance of the person, don't react to the event or be intimidated by the medical equipment. Learn to address yourself to the dying by letting them know they're dear and they're doing a great job. Let them know you're so proud of them, and so happy to be with them. I guess that doesn't answer your question, though kp: I think that is a great answer to my question because I see this as something we really need to do with all people. Don't we always tend to stand back and form judgements, reacting to behavior rather than really looking inside to see who's in there and letting them know that no matter what's happening, they're loved, they're precious and they're safe. cc: You're right! Tell them you're delighted to be there with them, whoever they are. You know, so much of this work is about intimacy, about learning how to be intimate. Our whole culture needs to learn this lesson and not just how to do it when someone's dying with our immediate family and with people that are harder to love. kp: Isn't that the saddest thing, Cassandra, that we often wait until the moment of death to learn the very lessons that would have made life more magnificent. But thank God that through the good works of hospice and Project Nightlight, these lessons of love are reaching the hearts of so many. And through the courageous efforts of dedicated people the likes of yourself and Dannion Brinkley, ultimately no one will ever have to die alone, or die to be loved. cc: Isn't that a wonderful thought! I want to see to it that no one falls through the cracks. I want to see to it that not one soul dies of a sense of purposelessness. kp: Cassandra, I feel most honored to have spent this afternoon with you. I am inspired by your selfless dedication to humanity. As I sit across from you today, I know exactly what it must have been like for you to sit across from Mother Theresa. How extraordinary you are. Thank you for your time today. |
